Life After Death
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"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, sir," the new recruit replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on, "because after
you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to
see you."
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More reasons to not turn up for work
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The blankets were
too heavy for me to lift so I was stuck in bed all day.
The psychiatrist said it was an excellent
session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am
startled.
Hello, I've used all of my sick days and I'm calling in dead.
Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
I'm not coming to work to day
because my computer has got a virus. And my computer means more to me then this
job
I sprained my wrist cooking
dinner in the microwave last night.
I didn't come to work because I
forgot to.
I've played all the games that came with the company's operating system
software. Until you get some new ones, I'm not coming in. |
Reasons for sickness from work
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If it's all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work.
The voices told me to clean all the guns today.
When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition
to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about
it.
On Saturday, I set half the clocks in my house ahead an
hour and the other half back an hour, and spent 18 hours in
some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right
up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by
reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi)
clocks in the house. While simultaneously rapping my dog on the
snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or
early.
My stigmata are acting up.
I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my
previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Okay?
I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I
know we have that deadline to meet....
I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food
Giant.
Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit
disorder and, hey, how about them 'Skins, huh? So, I won't be
able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with
Sprint, but thank you for calling.
Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I
shouldn't come to work, knowing my employee records may now
contain false information.
The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even
gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am
startled.
The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the
vet.
I prefer to remain an enigma.
My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we
must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her
heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.
I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined
that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have
to arrange for helicopter transportation.
I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates. |
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